I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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