Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
