I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
