i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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