I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
