my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
