oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
