u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
