i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
