I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize