Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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