weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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