i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
