fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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