We're like a lot better than the average bears
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
