My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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