I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
