You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
