I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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