we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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