Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
