just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
