i think i have two assholes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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