I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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