I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
