Non-Jews are for practice
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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