Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
