Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just googled if crying burns calories
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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