Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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