I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
