she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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