Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
