there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
