as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize