proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
