Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
