i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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