we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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