Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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