I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize