When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
