Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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