Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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