he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
