Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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