Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
