I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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