Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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