On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
