Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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