if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
