kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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