Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
