that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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