its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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