New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
