the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
