I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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