im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize