My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
