We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think my tv is drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize