she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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