A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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