pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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