He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
