carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
