I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
