I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
