her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
