this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize