if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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