I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Alive.
So much puke
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
