guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm always down for nudity.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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