That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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