With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
