You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
