if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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