You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
