my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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