i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize