Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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