so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
