i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
