I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
