oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
