walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
