you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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