I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
