Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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