who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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