you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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