You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
