mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
