Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well I can't set my house on fire every night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
