i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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