there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
