Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
