Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
