That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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