he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
