If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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