I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
