I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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